When a loved one dies, you, your family, and friends face something perhaps you and they never ever faced before. It's helpful for you to know what to expect before we meet, during the funeral, and after the funeral has ended. And it's helpful for all those in attendance to know what to expect, how to prepare and how to respond. We hope you, your family, and friends find these resources helpful. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact us.
We'll review with you the information we need and if you don't have it we'll help you to obtain it. If you're unable to bring any of this information, we'll coordinate with you to locate whatever is missing.
There are really two more things to bring: your memories, and your heart-driven creative thinking and insights into their character and lifestyle. These are the things that will make the funeral memorable for you and family and friends.
Here's a short list of things you, your family, and friends can expect during a funeral service:
It's good to know what emotions should be expected so you can feel the most comfortable when you attend a visitation before the day or evening before the funeral, at the funeral, or at a post-funeral reception. Even at weddings and baptisms, people cry. Just like at a funeral, these pivotal life moments are very emotionally charged. That means you can certainly expect to find some people crying at a funeral. It's always helpful to remember to bring a travel pack of tissues with you; however, the funeral home staff will also have access to tissues if you - or the person seated next to you - has a need to wipe their eyes.
But, here's something you should also know: don't be surprised if people share fun memories and laughter at funerals, and very often at visitations the evening before the funeral, or post-funeral receptions. As family and friends recall the stories of the person's life and their experiences with them, funny stories are remembered and are sometimes recalled with a great about of joy. Crying at times, but also laughing at other times in the appropriate setting is part of healing. And all of us need healing. A funeral is a rich mixture of sorrow and joy. In fact, when we're at a funeral the behaviors of guests remind us of the well-known remark from Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss: “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
The lead funeral director will make an announcement when the funeral service is over. They will invite the the immediate family and close friends to leave the building first. Unlike at the end of a theater performance, people don't simply stand up and walk out. Instead, they wait for the rows in front of them to empty before stepping out into the aisle.
Guests and family may collect outside the location for some quiet conversation. If you are now ready to leave, do your best to say a sincere good-bye to the family.
If you choose to follow the hearse and casket to the cemetery, you'll be given clear directions by members of the funeral home staff.
If you choose to leave at this point in the funeral, make a quiet, discreet exit. You may want to contact the family by phone in the next week or so. Offer them some time to for them to talk about their loss; and if you're willing, make a few suggestions about chores and other things you could do for them. Know that even if they decline your offer, they'll be delighted to know you're thinking of them enough to call.
After a funeral, grieving family members often ask us, "What happens next?" Here's what happens after a funeral and what we tell them. First, the main thing to realize is that you are not alone, and second that there are wonderful resources available to help you heal.
The natural emotions and adrenalin leading up to the funeral and during the funeral seem to come to a complete stop. Your family returns home and it's completely normal to feel exhausted. Things may begin to grow quiet; maybe the phone isn't ringing as much as it was; fewer people are stopping by to check in on you. Your loved one's death continues to become more of a reality, and the reality of your loss and life after the funeral without your loved one begins to set in. The very thought of facing your life over the next few weeks and months can fill you with a sense of loneliness and dread. It can all feel like way too much to deal with.
At this point it's very important and healthy to remind yourself you're OK, and you're going to be OK. And it's also important to remember that your priority is to take care of yourself first. Read the healing information in our grief support section. And remember it helps to identify people who are capable of listening to how you feel, who can allow you to fully express your feelings and the practical things your experiencing. Not everyone in your family or all your friends are able to be good listeners. And that's OK, but you need to seek out the people either in your family or friends or professional help who are good listeners and can help you to transition.
You've got two important things to do in the coming weeks and months. As much as possible, you need to practice self-care. You also need to spend some time focused on completing the paperwork which will officially change the status of your loved one with banks and creditors; employers, insurance companies, and mortgage holders. This can be a slow process; so be prepared to be patient with yourself and with the process - it won't last forever, and you can contact us at anytime for support. Again, remind yourself that death comes to every family, and like all other families you to will begin to heal and move forward into a new life.
Here is a checklist of paperwork you'll need after the funeral and in the weeks to come:
Get organized. Locate and safeguard as many of the documents listed below (be sure to put each into in a designated set of file folders, and keep them within easy reach):
Some of the tasks listed below will apply to your situation but not all. And there may be addition tasks you'll need to consider. Before you do anything, get a notebook, make a page for each task you need to do, and write in your notebook what you've done. For each task record the date and time of every phone conversation, email or postal communication. Be sure to include the full name of the person you spoke to, their job title; and their employer identification or extension number. And remember we are always available to help you.
1. Request certified copies of the Death Certificate. Speak with one of our staff
to determine how many you will require and we'll assist you to get them.
2. Check to see if your love one left a will. This may require contacting the family attorney, checking their safe deposit box or home safe or the state Will Registry.
3. Initiate probating the will with the applicate court. Not all estates require probating. If you're unsure whether the will requires probating, contact the applicable court, or contact your personal attorney or hire an estate settlement attorney. They're able to walk you through all the steps needed to wrap-up the estate. And remember that not all will probating and estate settlement requires the cost of hiring an attorney.
4. Contact life insurance companies. Not everyone has life insurance; but some people have more than one policy. No matter how many policies were in force, you will probably need to provide each of them with a certified copy of the death certificate for each claim made
5. Get the mail redirected, if applicable. Visit the United States Postal Service website (what exactly does this link to?) to learn more about how to submit a Change of Address form. Or stop by your local post office.
6. Arrange to close or modify bank accounts. Depending on your relationship to the deceased, you may be entitled to convert into your name.
7. Close or modify credit card accounts. You will probably need to provide each of them with a certified copy of the death certificate. Again, keep that set of file folders handy.
8. Make sure to pay the bills. Some folks have their bills paid automatically, but if this isn't the case here, you'll need to take care of them before they become delinquent. If you fear delinquency, you may wish to speak with a representative to work out a payment plan.
9. Report the death to other agencies. Depending on the age or military status of the deceased, you may need to notify either the Social Security Administration or the Veterans Administration (or both). Other agencies of interest include membership organizations (professional or vocational associations, social associations, gym and golf course memberships, etc. – just to name a few).
10. Notify utility departments. Depending on the situation, the accounts may be closed, or the account owner's name and contact details changed.
11. Stop health insurance coverage. You may need to provide them with additional information, so keep your relevant paperwork handy.
12. Contact employer or union. Determine if there are any death-related benefits available, ask (and answer) questions, and change any relevant contact information.
13. Transfer title of real and personal property. Whether it's an automobile, boat, motorcycle, RV, or plane; you'll need to inform your state department of motor vehicles of the change in ownership. At the very same time, notify any related vehicular or personal property insurance companies of the change in status.
14. Notify other policy holders of the change in "Beneficiary" status. If your loved one was a designated beneficiary on the insurance policies; investment or banking accounts of other individuals, then you'll need to notify them of the death of a beneficiary.
15. Change stocks and bonds into your name. Again, this depends on your relationship status to the deceased. To do this, you'll need to provide certified copy of the death certificate to all organizations involved.
16. If they were active on social media, you'll need to inform the specific networking sites
of the change in status. You will need to close email accounts as well as any online banking portal or investment accounts.